That is it, im laying off the bottle. (Again and again I promise this.) I felt like I was having a total breakdown. I felt 'confused', just stared into mid air thinking blank. Scary fairy. Worked on my novel to keep my mind off it and focused. Went to my Grans and saw Mum. She's getting me a therapist. Trouble is after I don't drink for a while I feel fine. It IS alcohol no doubt about it. Felt better in the evening. Wrote, read and slept.
Zero Alcohol
Thursday 29 October 2009
Tuesday 7th November 1995
Woke up feeling fine, nay feeling great!! Usual street stroll. I love the streets in the morning. Everything looks so innocent, like it could last forever. Saw Danny, he was going to the snooker hall with his brother. Very 1980s. The snooker hall was popular back then but I never went to it because snooker to me was a vandals way to have fun.
Went to the Co-op and my old French teacher tapped me on the shoulder and congratulated me on my poem that has been published in Linkway magazine. She told me it invoked stark images and also told me to get my own collection published as she couldn't afford Linkway for only one of my poems, she wants to read them all. Of course to an attention seeking vampire like myself I was glowing.
Wrote all night.
Zero Alcohol
Went to the Co-op and my old French teacher tapped me on the shoulder and congratulated me on my poem that has been published in Linkway magazine. She told me it invoked stark images and also told me to get my own collection published as she couldn't afford Linkway for only one of my poems, she wants to read them all. Of course to an attention seeking vampire like myself I was glowing.
Wrote all night.
Zero Alcohol
Wednesday 8th November 1995
Awoke at 11am, I didn't go to bed until 4am. Strolled down the streets, came back, worked on poems and listened to classical music. Fantastic composers, im in utter awe of them. Went to Grans to get a dinner that Mum had dropped off for me bless her. Saw Rebecca and Jade.
Later on I scored 15 temazepam 20mg. Well if im not drinking Ive got to get to sleep somehow! I must have something potent in my bloodstream, im too electric to survive on mere oxygen. Too alive, its like im on fire every day and I need a way to dampen the flames. I exist to create and find it hard to relax.
Took 100mg Temazepam (5 tabs) at 1am and drifted off to Wind In The Willows.
Later on I scored 15 temazepam 20mg. Well if im not drinking Ive got to get to sleep somehow! I must have something potent in my bloodstream, im too electric to survive on mere oxygen. Too alive, its like im on fire every day and I need a way to dampen the flames. I exist to create and find it hard to relax.
Took 100mg Temazepam (5 tabs) at 1am and drifted off to Wind In The Willows.
Thursday 9th November 1995
Got to go to the solicitors today with Stu. Nothing bad, just to sign some document for father. Awfully bad manners being cagey about it on fathers part but that him all over: a sly cold man.
Stu & Gonk arrived at 12.30pm and we went to Gareth & Andrea's house where we stayed until 2.10pm. Signed the document in Llanelli, went home and bought 15 eggs (temazepam 20mg) off...well thats a secret ahem!!
Danny phoned saying he'd call up but never did. I took a few Mogadon 10mg in the day with Stu & Gonk. In the evening I took 4 green eggs (80mg) and drank. I'll be okay tomorrow. Phoned Sam, there won't be a party on the phone bill. I told her she had a cute laugh.
Stu & Gonk arrived at 12.30pm and we went to Gareth & Andrea's house where we stayed until 2.10pm. Signed the document in Llanelli, went home and bought 15 eggs (temazepam 20mg) off...well thats a secret ahem!!
Danny phoned saying he'd call up but never did. I took a few Mogadon 10mg in the day with Stu & Gonk. In the evening I took 4 green eggs (80mg) and drank. I'll be okay tomorrow. Phoned Sam, there won't be a party on the phone bill. I told her she had a cute laugh.
Friday 10th November 1995
Awoke ok. The books I had ordered arrived, now for some serious reading. Wrote and read, viva literature. Calm this afternoon, dropped some temazepam 20mg and drank. John & Danny called over, I think Simon did too, im not sure! I also think we went to the Port but can't be certain. The joys of drink and valium. Where? Who? Why? When? Shock!!
Buzzed the entire day then :)
Buzzed the entire day then :)
Wednesday 28 October 2009
Saturday 11th November 1995
Went to Grans and saw Mum. Got the usual shant (alcohol) and pie & chips from Barrie's chippy. Its become a ritual, I think she's making sure I at least eat right before drinking. Wrote all afternoon like a demon working on a new spell.
John called over in the evening and of course we drank, and we went to Lorraine's nextdoor. Didn't stay long, John went to the Yacht club and I went home to continue drinking antisocially. Im not a fan of pubs and clubs, they usually bring out the worst in people. Especially people who can't handle their beer and start fights for little or no reason. Pathetic, cowardly wan*ers.
Dropped into bed like a drunken slug.
John called over in the evening and of course we drank, and we went to Lorraine's nextdoor. Didn't stay long, John went to the Yacht club and I went home to continue drinking antisocially. Im not a fan of pubs and clubs, they usually bring out the worst in people. Especially people who can't handle their beer and start fights for little or no reason. Pathetic, cowardly wan*ers.
Dropped into bed like a drunken slug.
Sunday 12th November 1995
Went to Mums for lunch again. Saw Rebecca & Jade all day. My head was a little 'spun out' due to my alcohol intake but it doesn't stop me from drinking again in the evening. Will I ever learn?? Nope I don't think so. Trouble is im not sure what I am: alcoholic or heavy drinker because I can stop without the shakes usually. I suppose it makes no difference since Im not really planning on quitting for good anyway. And both are equally bad for ones health.
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